Rejection in dating Sexy private chat no sign up
In many ways it forms the backdrop of your self-identity for years to come. It’s the fear-avoidance model of behavior – the anticipation and fear of that pain causes you to avoid the thing that caused the pain, which only makes the fear stronger and perpetuates the cycle.
By avoiding the fear, you reinforce it, which causes you to avoid it more to the point that the pain.
If you’d simply swallowed your fear, grabbed yourself by the gonads and gone for it, not only would you have avoid getting hit.
If you’re in a fight, you’re going to get tagged eventually. The risk of rejection comes part and parcel with dating; you cannot avoid it.
You give it power to affect you because you decide how important it is to you. Imagine a 9 year old girl walks up to you, looks you square in the eye and tells you that she will never, going to sleep together. But then again: neither does getting rejected by that cute waitress at your favorite restaurant. Or that coworker you’ve had a crush on all those years. You’re not going to have to pull up stakes and move to another city in order to escape a vengeful mob. It just person, whether they’re a total stranger at the party or someone you’ve known for life, with such terrible power over you that you believe it can destroy you.
How much rejection hurts is directly proportional to how much emotional investment you have in that rejection. Again: what’s your immediate reaction to this rejection? You have taken one person, out of literally overinvesting in someone? Waiting until you’re convinced that they’re giving you the signal. And the more important you make it, the worse the imagined rejection gets.
It was the lemon juice on top of the gaping chest-wound of my soul. right up to the one that put me on the path to who I am today. When I got knocked to the ground, I Getting shot down sucked…
My instructor finally sat me down and gave me the cold hard truth: either I was going to have to start taking the hits or I was going to have to quit being his student because he had no time for someone who wasn’t willing to learn. Learning to take those hits meant that I was stronger than I’d thought. but it didn’t break me, the way that those earlier ones did.
For every insanely hot Hollywood hunk, there’s a woman who wouldn’t touch him with a borrowed vagina. It’s up to you whether it’s going to break you or not.Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something. When you spar, you learn how to take the hits you can’t avoid: you can deflect, you can re-direct and you can learn how to roll with the impact so it doesn’t hit you nearly as hard as it could.With dating, you can also learn how to roll with rejection.But reality finds a way of stomping on those dreams with big ol’ boots.See, I was great at doing the kattas and perfecting my form and even things like breaking boards and blocks… I was constantly playing defense, always backing away, passing up on openings to strike… Not surprisingly, I approached my dating life the same way: I didn’t want to get rejected, so I was continually playing it safe.If you’ve been nursing your crush on the little red-haired girl for all of high-school and now that graduation is approaching that you finally decide to ask her out…well, that’s of your life that you’ve spent obsessing, investing and otherwise making her a larger-than-life figure, pinning your entire self-esteem on a three-second question.As much as I’d told people that I was learning it for the self-discipline and the focus it taught me, just between you, me and the everyone else reading this: I wanted to be Billy Bad-Ass.I had the same fantasies of being Terry Bogard or Van Damme or Jeff Speakman that every other would-be ninja warrior had.You see them, you make your approach – if they’re into you, awesome. well, that’s a grand total of three seconds of emotional investment.Big fucking deal, roll on to the next person because there better than later when it comes to asking them out; the longer you wait, the more of your life you’ve devoted to being in an constant state of anxiety and agitation.