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Existing in the sense of no purpose, except to wake up, and find some way to function through the day. I don’t know if anyone who hasn’t been at that place in their life can imagine the depth of despair when you have lost God’s greatest gift, hope.
There is no reason to function, nothing to look forward to; you just wait for the end.
they know the feeling of looking back and going “My God, I made it!!! In the 11 years since, one day at a time, many things have happened that once would have had me hidden in an alley passed out and hoping for death.
But I have found strength in my Creator and others around me to pull me through.
I was saying to him that the only thing that kept me sober that first year… I believe that I was constantly looking for a way to end the suffering.
What I was scared of, was getting drunk again, going into a blackout, killing someone else, and having to live with that for the rest of my life.
For the first year of my sobriety, every day I lived in fear.
And my introduction into a twelve-step program, and the becoming friends with the people I met there was actually my initiation into personal development.
I was paralyzed by situations that are forgotten now but were earth shattering then.
I learned that to truly live life, I had to do it one day at a time.
In that first year, in the rooms of AA, I met other people who had been down the road that I had been down, and they offered to do one thing for me. They were going to tell me what their life was like before they came to AA, then tell me what happened to make them change, the path they took, and what kept them going. If I wanted, they would be there for me, but ultimately, it would be my arm that lifted the bottle or pill to my lips.
They would share with me their experience, strength and hope. This is the first time I truly felt at home, the first time I felt that someone understood.