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ADHD can be a reason for past behaviors, but should not be an excuse for continuing them into the future..for becoming an enabler to truly abysmal behavior.I hope that understanding that ADHD is playing a role will help you forgive yourself and him for the poor interactions you've had together, and move forward in a way that is healthy for you.Be forewarned, and refuse to be an enabler - otherwise you'll be the one who pays for that, in your own wasted life. Founding out about his ADD did make me think of second chance.But if he won't do anything, but rely on himself belief he can be better without professional help, then we're just gonna be the same over and over again, and maybe his temper will escalate, and will cause harm to us.He has a bit of a superior attitude, and does a lot of eye rolling when it comes to me and our son, who lives with us.... There are a lot of good resources for finding out about ADHD - on the topic of how ADHD impacts relationships (and why your husband needs to stop eye rolling! For getting more organized, pick up Kohlberg & Nadeau's ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life.For general information about ADHD both Delivered from Distraction and Taking Charge of Adult ADHD are good resources.

But many - even those who have struggled terribly in their relationships - can find great joy in their family life and marriages once partners have the right tools. ADHD, just like many other conditions, can be dealt with and controlled. (Seriously, who gets themselves beaten up TWICE by the host at a fancy wedding? It's the flash-point, impulsive anger, blaming/projection, lying, and gas lighting that really cause the most damage.

And the people around them get the fallout - collateral damage. Knowing he has it made it easier to forgive some of this stuff, but at a certain point, when they deny diagnosis and treatment and just continue to abuse (and even threaten) you - you just have to get them out of your life.

Your story is a sad one, and your partner is clearly not meeting your needs (or his own, it seems).

If your life is horribly chaotic, even with medication, please make sure that the dosage you get is optimized (you can almost double the effectiveness of some meds when you carefully select the right dose) and consider coaching or some other sort of behavioral training. Just because you have made the decision to be alone does not make it right for everyone. He is very thoughtful, because of the ADHD he lives in his head sometimes and over thinks things, but because of that he is protective and prepared. If he were just forgetful and late I could deal with it, But the immature, jackass coping mechanisms he prefers to camouflage his underlying ADHD sabotage any progress that I've tried, using books or cognitive behavioral techniques. Forget even learning to "communicate" - Even though he begged for counseling (after I told him to GFTO when he threatened to "beat the crap out of [me], if [I] were a man",) - he lied straight through it - from first to last. Then he said he never wanted to be married to begin with!

This can help you put some external structures in place to make your life a bit easier. Much higher rates of alcoholism, drug addiction, incarceration, incompleted education, under— and unemployment..just cause it's a downer doesn't mean it isn't true. It is generalizing; what you are saying does not apply to everyone. And I truly believe there are positive attributes to ADHD. 4 years into dating and an engagement, and this was the first I'd heard of it - though the sexual, financial and organizational/priorities sabotage started from almost day one.

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